Don’t Trust Reviews

I recently saw the movie “Bohemian Rhapsody” and absolutely loved it. After seeing it, I went online to see what people were saying about it and found overwhelmingly low scores from professional and amateur reviewers alike. I was disturbed by this as I really want people to see this movie. But then I sat down and really thought about it, and discovered that these reviewers had a point. So here are some ways in which I think the movie could be improved to please these critics:

  1. Freddy Mercury shoots lasers out of his mouth whenever he is unhappy, vaporizing his enemies. He also somehow becomes an expert at kung fu and roundhouse kicks Mick Jagger off the stage when they are performing an electronic dance number and Mick misses his cue. The reviewers who said the story was too boring would have been satisfied with this change I think.
  2. The movie was said to be inaccurate in terms of the dark parts of Queen’s history. An after credit short film showing gratuitous sex and drug use while “Another One Bites The Dust” is played on repeat may be just what the doctor ordered for these critics.
  3. This idea is a bit of an immersive experience for those who said that they didn’t like Queen’s music. While some may offer that these people probably shouldn’t expect to like a movie about a band they despise, I see exactly where they are coming from and I have a solution: The theaters provide headphones that play your choice of Little Richard’s Greatest Hits or Michael Buble’s Christmas album during the scenes where Queen’s music is playing. Would that make you give it a few more stars on IMDB @danmagickingdomrocks45 ?
  4. Another review stating that the movie should have “gone deeper into the individual character’s pasts and relationships” (4/10 review). Simple: scrap this movie and make 45 more movies, each 3 hours long, giving an incredibly detailed account of every person depicted in the film. When every other audience member’s eyes have bled out and brains have rotted, I hope your review can improve to at least a 6/10 with this modification @alyson4ever62124863

I think any or all of these changes are certainly things that the director should have considered. It’s not fair that they made a fun, enjoyable movie with scenes that the audience can’t help but tap their feet to and sing along with. WE WANT ACTION, WE WANT THOROUGH HISTORY OF EVERYONE WHO EVER KNEW FREDDY.

Now the onus is on you, Hollywood. Remake the movie with the above changes and I think you’re going to see 10/10 across the board from our reviewers.

-Kim

Kimberly Fletley is a reporter for our company, however her views are her own.

 

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